dark

Hello the fellow reader
To high and dry

I wonder about everything. It’s like a bunch of my bitterness spread out to all life part. 
I’m afraid honestly.

How difficult everything seem to be then, I realized those risk. With every life matters, it’s always take on top. 
“I don’t want to think, know it further cause it’s not my time, haven’t my time maybe. I’m still me with my personal business and I don’t care”, so dreadful selfish thought .


But now it’s should be…

We are changed, so different than first. That’s true life. There’s no prepare for lost made feeble way.


Their kindness like warm welcome which convince and I’ve built enormous image on that. We are too depend it seriously that all things will be okay in the next . We  suspected that we have made conditional air about past matter and will have gotten better through days after that but I over due. What can you guess, it just guess. The truth, they don’t care about us

They take what’s should we deserve on, so nice deed. I tried to understand what level that we in but it was not work. It’s not fair for us, we knew that.
I don’t hated or save grudge umm just had a troubled relationship with them. 
And once in while why everybody become suck , they act like angel but despise at the same line. They turn my whole world upside down. Fake camouflage  
But they will paid in the end and it would,


No one, nothing, nowhere,  completely.
Where is the life that I recognize? gone away

Picture perfect memories, scattered all around the floor. Now I long for yesterday. missed glitter early life, but for many times I loosing my sensitivity.

This is not teenage life anymore, I’m in mature woman world now. This heaviness gath on my shoulders and getting more. There’s no place which serve guarantee for it, even no one.  
My turn gave depress and fickle my mind. Unresponsibility rhythm as the older one reflect to me. I’m just no ready for all this, I’m not good enough for those stick.

I don’t wanna seem so weak, but I’m just me as usual create human.

i was thinking to take a break on everything. i want to stop the pain  even I thought would leave my page now and start on a difference blank destiny by own selves way. I’m serious with my words,
Half of my heart refer to stay, but my depth believe choose them as the priority. What we want and what we need are entirely different things actually. I felt the down feeling of the real condition that I have

God please help me to find the best way out.
How can I decide what's right?
Choice. i have always known that we make choices every single minute. But then, in the bigger portion of my life i just focused on one thing, not remembering that i have a choice. It didn't really matter to me. i was just...most likely idle everytime

When everything clouding up my mind with all matters, I’m still remember what you really want from me, I will keep and determained to reach that.

For those just take a short times, could they understood?
I need times and lately been here I didn’t wanna be an nuisnacer or made its worse. I’ll replace everything soon

I can’t just thought about my own business, cause all has connected.
The breathing gets harder, even I know that
I’m unusually hard to hold on to. You can, you more than your estimated before dear
Be independent will come true by the times.

Live every moment as not to regret what you are about to do. Everybody has bad times. Do we sacrifice all the good times because of them?
Even when people tell you it's too hard and impossible, don't give up! Keep the vision of where you want to be and what you want to do steady in your mind even through the darkest times, like a candle flame which never goes out.
No easy way to say this
I want that, I want my spirit pull up my real me to say and do it  
There’s always a reason when learned the hard way